Most horror films consist of three character types—the villain, hero and the useless authority figure. Whether it's a cop, teacher or parent, their sole purpose is to do more harm than good. Some of them actively thwart the protagonists, while others are genuinely inept. Either way, they're typically embarrassments to their title or profession.

Tonight's episode of Monster Man (10/9C on Syfy) sees the propmakers creating a spider, which should win over anyone who thinks CGI monsters are better looking than models. Personally, we'd achieve that by making a giant, remote-controlled monster that shoots lasers at anyone who puts down the power of good model effects.