For its Sept. 30th issue, Entertainment Weekly got a first look at Joss Whedon's Avengers flick. And, yes, the story might yield some nuggets of new ... but nothing as instructive as the things we divined just by looking at the cover.
We're not going to count "the wonders of Photoshop" among the things we've learned from this cover, despite the overwhelming evidence, as we've known that for quite some time. But here they go:
1) Thor has better hair than Black Widow. Though, if you follow his eyeline, it's clear he's envious of the red. Maybe it speaks to the Norse alien in him.
2) Cap's costume looks like it's made of velcro and styrofoam. To be fair, his old outfit was pre-space-age, so he didn't have access to "the future." But there's just something reassuring about leather. (That's what she said.)
3) Mark Ruffalo looks like he's visiting from a totally different movie. I get that they don't want to give away what this version of the Hulk looks like, but this just looks like a fashion scientist dropped by the set ... after a tussle with a hair dryer.
4) Robert Downey Jr.'s facial hair looks more geometrically silly than ever when next to real people. Seriously, if something goes wrong with this whole Iron Man thing, he could try his hand at fighting crime as the Protractor.
5) Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye looks like he's modeling the Ozymandias Summer Casual Collection. It's all collars all the time, baby!