32 best quotes from Joss Whedon's Firefly

Joss Whedon's Firefly has been gone nearly eight years now, but our love for the show is stronger than ever. Over at reddit, some of its biggest fans gathered to share their favorite quotes from the short-lived series, all of which make us miss it even more.

After checking out their list, we plucked 32 of our Firefly favorites below.


Mal: "Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that."

Zoe: "First rule of battle, little one ... don't ever let them know where you are."
Mal: "WHOO-HOO! I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O' ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!"
Zoe: "'Course, there're other schools of thought."

Kaylee: "Yes sir, Captain Tightpants!"

Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
Zoe: "We live in a spaceship, dear."

Mal: "Mercy is the mark of a great man."
[stabs Atherton Wing]
Mal: "Guess I'm just a good man."
[stabs Atherton Wing]
Mal: "Well, I'm all right."

Mal to Jayne: "Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle."

Jayne: "Let's go be bad guys!"

Wash: "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

Simon: "Are you Alliance?"
Jubal Early: "Am I a lion?"
Simon: "What?"
Jubal Early: "I don't think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though, I have a mighty roar."
Simon: "I said 'Alliance.'"
Jubal Early: "Oh, I thought ... "
Simon: "No, I was ... "
Jubal Early: "That's weird."

Jayne: "Ten percent of nothin' is ... let me do the math here ... nothin' into nothin' ... carry the nothin' ... "

Badger: "'Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I got my hands on a couple."
Mal and Jayne: sniggering
Badger: " ... of invites!"

Mal: "I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you."

Wash: "Every man there go back inside or we will blow a new crater in this little moon."

Tracey: "When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that ... "
Zoe: " ... you find someone to carry you."

Jayne: "You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here."

Mal: "Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!"

Wash: "Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower ... somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpsified and gross."

River Tam: "Also? I can kill you with my brain."

Jayne: "Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature."

Wash: "Terse? I can be terse. Once, in flight school, I was laconic."

Zoe: "If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skin into their clothes ... and if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order."

Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just ...you know ... shoot 'em. "
Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"
Mal: "Politely."

Kayle: "Going on a year now, nothins twixed my neathers not run on batteries."
Mal: "I can't know that."
Jayne: "I can stand to hear a little more."

Mal: "Wash, we got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss."

Badger: "What were you in the war? That big war you failed to win? You were a sergeant, yeah? Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds ... balls and bayonets brigade. Big, tough veteran. Now you got yourself a ship and you're a captain. Only I think, you're still a sergeant, see? Still a soldier. A man of honor in a den of thieves. Well, this is my gorramn den, and I don't like the way you look down on me. I'm above you, better than! Businessman, see? Roots in the community. You're just a scavenger."
Mal: "Well, maybe I'm not a fancy gentleman like you, with your ... very fine hat. But I do business. We're here for business."

Murphy: "I cannot abide useless people."

Wash: "I've been under fire before. Well ... I've been in a fire. Actually, I was fired. I can handle myself."

Wash: "How did your brain even learn human speech?"

Mal: "Just get us on the ground!"
Wash: "That part will happen pretty definitely!"

Mal: "Next time you want to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face."

Wash: "Man walks down the street in a hat like that, you know he's not afraid of anything ... "

Mal: "You're welcome on my boat. God ain't."